Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
only if we run a train.
done.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry about my life...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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