is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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