I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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