So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
