He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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