Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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