it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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