Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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