the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
