so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
