Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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