I'm so fucking centered right now
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
