Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
