You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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