Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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