Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
