Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
