I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
