New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
