Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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