he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You can't special order awesome
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
