I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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