Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
