Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
