Are we in a gay sports bar?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
