laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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