my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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