he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
