You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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