you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
being pregnant is like rehab
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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