Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
