So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
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You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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