hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i love accidental penises.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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