So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
