There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
