don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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