i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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