Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
