Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
