paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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