We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
