I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
