STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
