dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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