having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
