I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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