just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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