New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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