He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
