Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Randomize
