biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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