how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
