I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
