perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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