I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
