not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
