why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What drink are we having for lunch?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
