Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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