he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
