Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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