Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
