She is in my trunk
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize