She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
