two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
