Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
