mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
