what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
