i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
