Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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