I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
