you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
