Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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