I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
