fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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