Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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