i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
sex in a hospital.. check
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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