So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
