but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
