Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
