you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
