Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
